I'm 20 years old, living in NYC, have amazing management for my music career, and hold everything that I have ever dreamed of at my hands, but unfortunately the one thing, the most simplest thing I don't have: True love. Isn't that the age old story. Ha
I hate being gay for my career purposes, I hate that I just can't be myself.. Everybody either wants to be my friend or they hate me. The hate comments that people leave used to affect me but, now, I'm feeling confident that I have erased as much negativity in my life as possible. I'm apparently striking in my looks, I'm apparently extremely talented, and I have the most amazing family.... Why am I so damn upset?... I just want to have someone to hold. This city makes me feel so small sometimes, yet other times makes me feel larger than life. I'm concerned that if I go back home that I'll have to stay there, but my life doesn't/won't/can't allow for it. I've invested too much time. I am probably one of the nicest, but brutally honest people you will ever meet. I am so faithful to my friends, and there are times where I need to be alone....
Tumblr is what a very good friend has told me to try, they said it would make me feel better, and I'm not gunna lie, it does. I have so many people around me but I'm learning that for as many people as I have close caring for me, I have ten times the amount against me. I'm okay with that. People keep dicking me over because I'm so nice. They don't get it. What i've finally stood up and started saying to myself is, they don't need to get it, they don't need to understand, they don't need to be a part of it, they don't need me. They don't deserve me. I can't help to think that when I say these things, I say them to try and convince myself that I'm fine and that I'm protecting myself from the sentiments attached to the ugly fat awkward frog that I was, but at the same time I know that I must believe it, just a little. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy, just fed up, next time you see me, I'll be at the top, and the truth of the matter is, I'll remember you all. If it wasn't for the hate, if it wasn't for the love, if it wasn't for everything in between, I wouldn't be the sexy S.O.B. you see now. Period. Whew, that felt good. So thanks for everything you send my way.
I love to love and I would love to meet new people. I just can't get over how good that felt. I love everyone, just don't like games. I'm one of the most forward and genuine people you meet. Not vanity/conceit, just truth.
I hate being gay for my career purposes, I hate that I just can't be myself.. Everybody either wants to be my friend or they hate me. The hate comments that people leave used to affect me but, now, I'm feeling confident that I have erased as much negativity in my life as possible. I'm apparently striking in my looks, I'm apparently extremely talented, and I have the most amazing family.... Why am I so damn upset?... I just want to have someone to hold. This city makes me feel so small sometimes, yet other times makes me feel larger than life. I'm concerned that if I go back home that I'll have to stay there, but my life doesn't/won't/can't allow for it. I've invested too much time. I am probably one of the nicest, but brutally honest people you will ever meet. I am so faithful to my friends, and there are times where I need to be alone....
Tumblr is what a very good friend has told me to try, they said it would make me feel better, and I'm not gunna lie, it does. I have so many people around me but I'm learning that for as many people as I have close caring for me, I have ten times the amount against me. I'm okay with that. People keep dicking me over because I'm so nice. They don't get it. What i've finally stood up and started saying to myself is, they don't need to get it, they don't need to understand, they don't need to be a part of it, they don't need me. They don't deserve me. I can't help to think that when I say these things, I say them to try and convince myself that I'm fine and that I'm protecting myself from the sentiments attached to the ugly fat awkward frog that I was, but at the same time I know that I must believe it, just a little. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy, just fed up, next time you see me, I'll be at the top, and the truth of the matter is, I'll remember you all. If it wasn't for the hate, if it wasn't for the love, if it wasn't for everything in between, I wouldn't be the sexy S.O.B. you see now. Period. Whew, that felt good. So thanks for everything you send my way.
I love to love and I would love to meet new people. I just can't get over how good that felt. I love everyone, just don't like games. I'm one of the most forward and genuine people you meet. Not vanity/conceit, just truth.
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